HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF

I did what my father did...when I said i won't be like him when I grow up.

You see...My FATHER left US to work abroad when me and my siblings were still young...came back when we're all grown up and having own own lives to live. Me and my siblings' relationship with our father is a very distant one up to this very day.

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And TODAY, I called my MOM today after work, talked to my son and asked where's my teenage daughter (she's 17 and a half now years old now). Mom said she's out bowling with friends. Hmmmm....on a school night? My Dad will raise a fit again (like the time I WAS in my UNIVERSITY days years ago)

Called my daughter to check on her (I'm still the worry wart of a mother...lol).

The phone rang...I was expecting a bubbly girl who will squeal "Hi, Mommy!...how are you?"

But it was a curt hello I heard. I was kinda startled, speechless for a moment. I asked her, "How are you, buttercup?"....and she said she was fine. We chatted for a while but it's not like as before.

What I've been dreading has finally come and hit me in my gut...My daughter has finally a GROWN UP person. She seemed to be the ADULT I want her to be.

But I felt hollow all of a sudden. I did know I have to make a decision when I went to Qatar. That I would miss my kids delicate years of growing up as I work here. MY KIDS ARE NOW ACCUSTOMED TO ME NOT BEING THERE FOR THEM...physically.

It's not been an easy life for me for the last year and a half(AND SOME PEOPLE HERE CONTINUE TO GRIND IT, much TO THEIR SICK AMUSEMENT...I just hope you are happy with your life too -you know who you are). I can't just give up...there's so much at stake.

I need (want) to go home and see my kids before I lose them both to puberty and adulthood. But I can't...it's not easy especially I'm in a new job.

This is what I have to contemplate every night before I sleep, when I wake up in the morning...if my kids would still want me around when they're all grown up.

HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF...in my case, it did...