Teach your kids about "Tricky People"

Great blog post about how teaching your kids not to talk to strangers isn't really protecting them, but teaching them to watch out for "tricky people" is: http://checklistmommy.wordpress.com/2012/02/09/tricky-people-are-the-new...

FOR INSTANCE:

It is unlikely your kid is going to be abused by a weirdo at the park (huge sigh of relief).
That said, if there is a weirdo at the park, he’s not going to fit the “stranger” model — so stop teaching your kid about strangers! He’s going to come up to your kid and introduce himself. Voila! He ain’t a stranger anymore.
Teach your kids about TRICKY PEOPLE, instead. TRICKY PEOPLE are grown-ups who ASK KIDS FOR HELP (no adult needs to ask a kid for help) or TELLS KIDS TO KEEP A SECRET FROM THEIR PARENTS (including, IT’S OKAY TO COME OVER HERE BEHIND THIS TREE WITHOUT ASKING MOM FIRST. Not asking Mom is tantamount to KEEPING A SECRET.)
Teach your kids not to DO ANYTHING, or GO ANYWHERE, with ANY ADULTS AT ALL, unless they can ask for your permission first.

See how I said ANY ADULTS AT ALL? That’s because:

It’s far more likely your kid is going to be abused by someone they have a relationship with, because most cases of abuse follow long periods of grooming — both of the kid and his or her family.
Bad guys groom you and your kids to gauge whether or not you’re paying attention to what they’re doing, and/or to lure you into dropping your guard. Don’t. Kids who bad guys think are flying under their parents’ radars, or kids who seem a little insecure or disconnected from their parents, are the kids who are most at risk.

SO:

Be suspicious of gifts that adults in positions of authority give your kids. There’s no reason your son should be coming back from Bar Mitzvah study with a cool new keychain or baseball hat.
Be suspicious of teachers who tell you your kid is so special they want to offer him more one-on-one time, or special outings. That teacher who says your kid is into Monet, he wants to take him to a museum next weekend? Say thanks, and take your kid to go see the exhibit yourself.
You know that weird adult cousin of yours who’s always out in the yard with the kids, never in the kitchen drinking with the grown-ups? Keep an eye on your kids when he’s around.
Oh, and that soccer coach who keeps offering to babysit for free, so you can get some time to yourself? NO ONE WANTS TO BABYSIT YOUR KIDS JUST TO BE NICE.

And, here’s another good reason to add to the PANTHEON of reasons to teach your children the anatomically correct names for their genitalia:

There isn’t a child molester on earth who’s going to talk to your daughter about her vagina. Really. But if she suddenly starts calling it a cupcake, you can ask her who taught her that.

Comments

You know, reading this, a lot of it could be re-worded for older women too. As most women are sexually assaulted by men they know, who indeed do try and "groom" them in someways...

Thanks for sharing ! Nice article and tips.

Child abuse is on rise at alarming rate which is very worrying for every parent.

As always Khanan, I question whether its really on the rise or whether its just being more reported.

But yes, this is excellent advise. :)

I remember always being told not to talk to strangers growing up, when in reality it wasn't strangers I had to worry about!

MM, it could be more reported but I have a feeling that it is really on the rise.

Thanks for sharing the information. :)...

Whilst of course you will find those abductor types who may snatch children off without uttering a word, plenty of child abusers can be lurking even among people you would never imagine to be one.

I know girls who when young, were abused by men their parents completely trusted. Besides child abusers needn't be only males. Women can be more sinister because they are not treated as suspiciously as their male counterparts.

All in all..education is everything. Teach your kids from young all they need to know in order to be safe. Teach them all the possible ways child predators may try to lure them. Tell them what is acceptable and not acceptable for a grown up to do to them, regardless of how well they know them..and at all times BE ALERT.

Thanks for sharing such a useful article.

What a load of rubbish you spout MissMini –scule mind!

So we are never to hand over our children to other adults? We keep them with us ALL the time?

In your stupid post you say - most abusers are known to our children. So – they never, ever go and stay with grandparents, aunts, uncles, godparents or good friends? Let’s look at people we trust our kids to:-

(a) Paediatrician (stranger)

(b) Dentist (ditto)

(c) Teacher (ditto)

(d) Baby sitter (ditto)

(e) In your case strange maid from another country; that you feel comfortable with?!

(f) Primary School Teacher (ditto)

(g) High School Teacher(ditto

(h) College/University/Jobs– we are then well and truly out of their lives until they need us to babysit their kids – but oh wait! According to you we are all potential abusers!

TRICKY PEOPLE are grown-ups who ASK KIDS FOR HELP (no adult needs to ask a kid for help)

How about an adult who falls over in the street and breaks a bone and asks a young person (the nearest person to them) to help them up? Not ALL grown-ups are bad- neither are young people!

Teach your kids not to DO ANYTHING, or GO ANYWHERE, with ANY ADULTS AT ALL, unless they can ask for your permission first

You can sign up for anything but if that sicko is there- it WILL not matter one jot what your kid has asked for permission for!

Be suspicious of gifts that adults in positions of authority give your kids. There’s no reason your son should be coming back from Bar Mitzvah study with a cool new keychain or baseball hat.

Oh how truly stupid and naive you are! Bar Mitzvahs are so checked. Just goes to show how copied and pasted this stupid article is. How about kids who come back with a Bible after being christened Or those that are circumcised Or that make a conformation – ALL kids are given gifts then – shall we as parents rejects them all on your basis?

THIS IS WHAT MADE ME LAUGH SO *UCKING MUCH –

There isn’t a child molester on earth who’s going to talk to your daughter about her vagina. Really. But if she suddenly starts calling it a cupcake, you can ask her who taught her that.

Miss Mini – oh how I laugh at you and you naivety - I have never ever met any parent yet that uses that euphemism – do you have a problem with the word cupcake? Did you and your Daddy that you loved so much ‘have issues’?

What a stupid and irrelevant post.

no one ever taught me about tricky people :(

also u mad bro?

Parents do need to teach their young children to be wary of strangers and also look out for tell tale signs. However, one also needs to draw a balance and not go over the top.

Great advice, Miss Mimi. Thanks for sharing.

As a parent, we can not put our kids in a bubble world, but yes, we can teach them about what is acceptable behavior from anyone, especially to watchout for these "tricky people".

Yes, bright light,

Sick adults do ask kids for help, In a tricky way. Example " I lost my puppy, can you walk with me around here to find it"? then try kidnapp or rape the child. Worldwide statistics prove miss Mimi's post is facts !!!

Asking a child for help ........That is one of many tricky things preditors do!!!

In my country, and i am sure in most civilized countries, The police and martial arts instructors teach our kids about these kind of "tricky people" and how to teach the kids ways to defend themselves from these sick people. And thst it is ok to report.

Brightlight, you probably don't have children, so you would not know how to teach children the signs of what is ok, and what is not ok when even a trusted person is in the child's care, or visiting. Attacking miss Mimi's post, really, how shameful of YOU!

Unfortunately kids do get abused by relatives, childcare providers, etc, so this is a REAVANT post, to help stop this sick behavior on our kids, and to teach what is acceptable or not.

So Who is naive here bightlight? From your comment, I would say.... It is YOU. And I see you are new here, so it seems, and you didn't bother to read the community guidelines, if you did, you would know, it is not allowed to call people names, abuse them etc. hoping you get Opps!

What no comment bright light??? Did your light go out?

And you say your job title is child protection?!?

Amazing, you would know the real facts if you are in this field.

I always teach my kids that even trusted adults have boundaries.

It is sad truth people you are suppose to trust, can be predictors to our children. I make sure I teach my kids about online safety also.

LOL. Looks like I have a fan. A member for 2 whole days and 7 hours (funny right around the time they made this post!!!). Troll much?

'Child Protection' :)

Lol yep amazing job title.....

Miss Mimi, I am a fan of yours, a good cool one. :)

Paedophiles no longer ‘ask kids for help’ they are beyond that ‘old school help’ in achieving what they want.

Asking to look for a DOG – are you joking us?

Most paedophiles are on line – the peadonet as I call it.

If a kid was asked to look for a dog in today’s world they would laugh and a say ‘track it on your iPod’. We do have a few weirdoes in parks – but we have more sickos on line!

There are still some casual visitors to parks etc – but they rely on kids whose parents don’t allow internet access. Even those kids know not to talk to anybody!

I quote you – I always teach my kids that even trusted adults have boundaries.

It is a sad truth; people you are supposed to trust can be predictors to our children. I make sure I teach my kids about online safety also.

Mini – sorry you had to create another ‘you’ to defend ‘you’ and ask ‘dear’ friends to swamp this post. Mini as far as I know you have a baby and you were a ‘social worker’ (how grand).

You have no idea of child protection at all.

Most children are abused by people they know – THEY actually don’t like or engage with a weirdo – they mistrust them.

They trust and engage with people they THINK they know and trust by what they say and offer them. They are groomed!

A weirdo – an adjective you have yet to define would, I think chat to them in an inappropriate way but not abuse them.

Look at what has happened in Wales this week. A young girl was abducted and 'murdered' by a a family friend. He was not 'weird' according to thoss that knew him. He was also a 'friend' of the family.

Please explain that.

They never ask the kids for help at all. The kid would be one the asking for help.

this is you -

Yes, bright light,

Sick adults do ask kids for help, In a tricky way. Example " I lost my puppy, can you walk with me around here to find it"? then try kidnapp or rape the child. Worldwide statistics prove miss Mimi's post is facts

Show mw the statisctics that prove this post is correct.

And then show me the statistics I am wrong.

Hey, look at the brghtlight troll. Which banned QLer are you a reincarnation of? LOL.

I can see this society as a safehaven for abusers. I am amazed at adults leaving their kids at ease inside compounds, parks, etc. Each time we bring this discussion people would get shock, even offended if you try to make them realize that there is a real threat out there.

Brightlight is a serious troll!!!

Must be living on planet Mars, if he believes these facts don't exist.

You are one sick person who seriously needs to get a life.

If you really are in the business of CHILD PROTECTION, then you would know and have seen cases that have happened, studied them, and learned from them, TO PROTECT THE CHILDREN!

As your job title says.

Not bash a post and the readers here. Do yourself a favor and get out of your plastic bubble, go visit child family services here in Qatar, or any other country and see the cases that have been reported. Qatar foundation has a child protection division. And thanks God, Qatar does not have the over whelming number of missing children, or child abuse cases as other countries. But unfortunately, as the facts at QF state, they do have abuse cases. So this post is relevant.

And factual to real people. Not trolls.

I love it when people use bollocks in a sentence.

I wish i could just slap the**** out of this troll.

Sorry for the cap locks, i had to get my point across.

Loved it when he said mimiloves and miss mimi are the same person! Haahaa. Crazy to think more then one person agrees on the same facts.

Peace on.

This Mimi doesn't love to sing. :D And surely if I was going to go around posting as different people I would be a bit more clever with my alias's?

However brightlights does make good points about internet grooming. This blog didn't discuss internet grooming, it was more about being aware of people around your child. Perhaps if April's parents had been more aware of the people around her she wouldn't have been kidnapped and murdered. Who knows. But you should always monitor what your kids get up to on the net.

Mimloves did mention online awareness, and lol brightlight got pissed about that also.

He quoted her.

Amazing. Sick person. And i also teach my kids about online awareness. And online bullies..

Good Article from The Guardian:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/oct/07/april-jones-myths-risks-listen

In 1993 a young politician called Tony Blair, at the time shadow home secretary, responded to the news that toddler James Bulger had been murdered by two older children by suggesting that this horrific crime was "a hammer blow against the sleeping conscience of a nation".

In the months and years to come, the murder would lead to fundamental changes in our youth and criminal justice systems: everything from the abolition of doli incapax – the presumption that children between the ages of 10 and 14 lack the necessary criminal intent to be fully responsible for their actions – the introduction of secure training centres, and the beginning of the now seemingly unstoppable rise in the prison population. The sleeping conscience of a nation had quite clearly been stirred.

It has yet to be seen what broader consequences will emerge from the April Jones case, but her disappearance has similarly resonated deeply with the public – not just those who knew her, but strangers too, and not just in Machynlleth, where she lived with her family, but throughout the country.

Within hours of her abduction, an army of volunteers had flooded into Wales to help the local community and the police search for April. Perhaps we might also think of this as a show of public solidarity with the police, in a week that saw two young officers buried, after they had been gunned down in awful circumstances in Manchester. As welcome as this public support must have been, what can we really do to help – not just when these tragic events happen, but more broadly, day in, day out?

On a practical level, for April and her family, not much, and I sensed that the police were rather embarrassed that they had to quite quickly ask the public to stop searching – their well-meaning efforts were increasingly seen as threatening the experts' attempts to find the child.

However, there's a lot that they – and we – could be doing, especially when we remember that children are the group most likely to be murdered in our society, with the under-twos most at risk.

First, let's start to confront the myths that exist about murder, and especially about the murder of children. We could face up to some uncomfortable truths and stop naively colluding with, for example, ideas about "stranger danger".

Shortly after April's disappearance, people were asserting – particularly on social media – that April must have been abducted by a stranger, or a "foreigner", because it was believed that nobody in the close-knit community in which she lived would have taken the child.

I remember the same being said in Ipswich in 2006, when I was in the town during a spate of murders of young women who sold sexual services. It seemed to provide a form of comfort to imagine these and other murders were committed by "strangers" – an ever-changing cast of "others", who somehow slip into communities to do deadly harm to the people who live there.

Pick a recent murder investigation and analyse who was first viewed as a likely suspect, and I can almost guarantee you that some local, regional or national "other" figure would have been the most immediate suspect.

But we know for a fact that in nearly all cases a murder victim and the perpetrator are either related, or known to each other. Indeed, that's why our clear-up rate for murder is so high – consistently around 90%: because, frankly, you don't need to look too far for the likely culprit. Most murders are "self-solvers".

That reality is also true for child victims of murder – most children are at risk from their parents, carers, step-parents or someone known to the family of the child. On average since the early 1970s, only six children per year have been abducted and murdered by strangers, and while that is still six children too many, this sad statistic is put into perspective when we remember that two children a week are murdered within the home.

But, here's the good news – the numbers of murders are falling, and they are falling for one specific reason. Partly in response to pressure from campaigners, the police now treat domestic violence much more seriously than they once did. And if a man is hitting his female partner, it is probable that he will be physically, emotionally or sexually abusing his children too. So by insisting that the authorities take domestic violence seriously, we are protecting not only women, but children too.

We could also help further by starting to listen to what children say. This seems like a trite point to make, but all too often we tend to ignore what children describe about their lives, and indeed until recently actively preferred them to be "seen and not heard". However, listening to children will let us into their world where they have hopes, aspirations and, sometimes, fears about who it is that might actually be harming them.

Above all, we could stop treating children as possessions of the adult world – mini-me, designer accessories and appendages – that merely become used as symbols of the adult's wealth, status, or culture, and instead begin to recognise children as individual, sentient beings in their own right and therefore valued for themselves.

Nothing brings this idea home for me more clearly than the dreadful crime of "family annihilation". An ugly, if accurate, phrase that describes what happens when the usually divorcing parent (almost always the father) seems to be saying, "If I can't have them, no one can", and so he kills his kids and then himself, in a fit of deadly pique and as if his children were of no greater value than a car, or a laptop. His children reduced to mere symbols of his power to do as he pleased and to hurt his partner, no matter what the consequences.

Hope for April has all but gone; still, the outpouring of public feeling that followed her abduction proves there is a huge communal desire to keep our children safe. Though we cannot save every child, we can take steps to save a great many – not through waking some "sleeping conscience", but by recreating the space that we once called "childhood" and letting children determine for themselves how they would like that space to be filled.

copying and posting your child abduction drivel... you illiterate mothering social worker....

you clearly have no idea what you are talking about!

Obviously! They should take away my social working license.

probably arrest you for spreading false rumours about neighbors, uncles, teachers and anyone familiar... or not familiar, because its none of those people, its only those on the internet that are actually dangerous!!!!

Are you for real???

Only internet people are dangerous??? Seriously??? How naive you are acting.

Then what about all the real people that were trusted officials, neighbors, family friends, etc ,

That have been correctly accused and convicted as predictors??? Like 1000's of priests to name one kind of trusted official who did what they did to kids.

How sad people don't want to admit this really does happen to children.

LOL Mimi, Xena's just pulling my leg. ;)

Thx god.

Sorry but i am sooo protective of kids and its so bad in usa.

Sorry Xena. I am very much on defense mode when it comes to kids. I was so shocked that was coming from Xena, i was very confused.

First of all Miss Miniscule has yet to define 'weirdo'.

Who is this person?

It has been proved time and time again they are not 'groomed' by weirdoes - they are groomed by people that know them or have taken the time and trouble to know them. A weirdo does not CARE about their life like a sicko does.

Nice to see other 'a*se lickers' joining in with '*diots'.

Xena – you never cease to amaze me how low you will go with your 'own' ideas to 'support' an idiot.

She is wrong - you know it - she knows it - just give it up!

It has been proved time and time again they are not 'groomed' by weirdos' - they are groomed by people that know them or have taken the time and trouble to know them.

A wierdo does not CARE about their life a sicko does.

Nice to see other 'a*se lickers' joining in with '*diots'.

Xena, never ceases to amaze me how low you will go with your 'own' ideas to 'support' an idiot.

She is wrong - you know it - she knows it - just give it up- you don't have to support her at all.

Xena, you are so mean

weird·o

   [weer-doh] Show IPA

noun, plural weird·os. Informal .

1.

an odd, eccentric, or unconventional person.

2.

a psychopath, especially a dangerous or vicious one; psycho: They caught the weirdo who attacked the children.

Happy.

Defined as this troll brightlight who for some reason the MODS doesnt block or close this thread. But of course this weirdo would just get a new username to troll since this weirdo as nothing better to do, but boast his sick mentality hiding behind a computer screen trolling.

This werido that doesnt respect and follow the CG'S also posts on other people's threads doing the same thing insulting, and calling names.

Don't feed the troll!

Said Bachus! I am trying to keep saying that to myself....stay away from ql. Lol

1. A person who is considered strange to other people. This person may do strange things, so this person can be considered a "weirdo".

2. A non-comformist who does not follow trends or a subculture. A true 'weirdo' will juat do what they feel, and can get along with most people. This person does not actually conform to a stereotype and shouldn't be labled.

1. Eww, he dunks his chicken nuggets in milk and hawks loogies. What a weirdo.

2. She listens to 80's music and wears tye-dye. What a weirdo.

buy weirdo mugs & shirtsby Valley80sgurl May 4, 2005 share this add a video

2. the true definition of cool, unlike the hollywood lame version. weirdos are the real deal folks.

the weirder the better! weirdos rock.

Wow Jim is such a weirdo! That's why I put honey mustard on his car door.

buy weirdo mugs & shirtsstrange bizarre freakish odd crazy

by Maury Finkelstein Aug 5, 2007 share this add a video

3. weirdo 366 up, 162 down

Weird Person. Usually nonconformist.

buy weirdo mugs & shirtsby Richard [Zeratual] Nov 30, 2002 share this add a video

4. WEIRDO 143 up, 88 down

Catch-all term invented in the 1950's by low-intelligence conformists to denigrate anyone different or smarter than them. Usually used by children, idiots, and the vocabulary-challenged.

ooh, she actually reads books for fun - what a weirdo!!

buy weirdo mugs & shirtsfreak hippie hippy beatnik queer

by skullyJohnson Jun 30, 2010 share this add a video

5. Weirdo 114 up, 74 down

odd person

Weirdo is the best odd yahoo developer there is out there

pedophilia

[ped′əfil′ē·ə]

Etymology: Gk, pais, child, philein, to love

1 an abnormal interest in children.

2 (in psychiatry) a psychosexual disorder in which the fantasy or act of engaging in sexual activity with prepubertal children is the preferred or exclusive means of achieving sexual excitement and gratification. It may be heterosexual or homosexual. Also spelled paedophilia. Also called pederosis. See also paraphilia. pedophilic, adj.

So tell me oh Miss Know it all - you define weirdo and then define an abuser - you can't!

Where does does you carefully chosen article mention 'weirdoes'?

by a weirdo at the park (huge sigh of relief).

That said, if there is a weirdo at the park, he’s not going to fit the “stranger” model — so stop teaching your kid about strangers! He’s going to come up to your kid and introduce himself. Voila! He ain’t a stranger anymore.

Read more: http://www.qatarliving.com/node/5365426#ixzz297qtzKOe

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