Sarcastics Anonymous

Hey Sarcasters, any fans of the Sarcasm King here in the desert? Been his fan since the Daily Show days

DIANA MURDERED INQUEST HEARS

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: How yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st: Forget mine. Let's find yours!!

**********

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends ".

**********

What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

**********

Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means,

" With Idiot For Ever !!!"

**********

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Police have discovered foot and mouth in the north of Scotland, it is reported. The location of the rest of Colin Macrae continues to puzzle Police...

A nun (no offences to anyone - its just a joke) gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver.

She says: I am gonna die soon but I want to have sex before I do, must remain a virgin so it must be anal and I cant commit adultry so the man must be single, can you fulfil my wish?

Driver: Yes and fukks her in the arse.
Then feeling guility says "I'm sorry I lied, I am married with 3 kids"

Nun: That's ok. My name is Kevin and I am going to a fancy dress party

This thread is dedicated to those wonderful classifieds that don't make any sense.

Such as:
You don't have care? Rent a one

I wonder how much it costs to rent a care? what kind of care;s can you get?

:P

Post any other funny classifieds here. :D

1.Stripp Joint

Two guys are in a strip joint, one is sitting in front of the other. A woman comes on stage and starts stripping.
The guy in back, Paul, says, "Oh yeah, Oh yeah!"

Then the first guy turns around and says, " Hey Paul, shut up!"

Then two women come out and start stripping. Paul, once again, starts, "Yeah baby..mmmm....yeah!"

Once again the guy in front turns around and tells Paul to be quiet. So three women come out and start stripping. Paul is silent.

The guy in front says, "Hey Paul, where's all your excitement now?"

Paul says, "All over your back!"

2.Hell

Dont let this group get cold. lets make it running too.
So lets get bit psycho. hey nothing personal or serious plz. and no pointing at each other.

i bought a guide book for Greece. Now the country has burnt down.
Will lonely planet give me a refund?
Will i get money back from the Arsonists?
I want to sue because I am fed up.. it is a new book.

A similar situation occurred when i bought a guide book for pakistan... they had an earthquake.

even more inconsiderate is my middle east book. i am sure the maps for lebanon are not so accurate any more.

These events render my book useless and it isn't my fault.
luckily i wasnt affected by the tsunami a couple of years ago and it didn't impinge on any of my purchases.

on a good note an old map i had for Goma in Congo from a 20 year old guide book was surpisingly accurate despite volcano and a lot of tooing and froing with Hutu/Tusi refugees.

Is anyone else finding QL a little dull lately? No more trolls, nothing but "good morning" "I love you all" "Isn't the world peachy keen" posts. I don't know about anyone else but I miss the drama.