Sarcastics Anonymous

Representatives from the emirate of Dubai announced with disappointment this week that its recent debt crisis has forced developers to halt construction on the city's long-planned 22-mile-long indoor mountain range.
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The culmination of a decade's worth of ambitious and expensive building projects, Dubai's estimated $100 billion debt officially brought work on the artificial mountain range to a stop on Tuesday.

A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet:

Yorkshire man:
"Ah've come to see thee abaht me cat."

Vet:
"Is it a tom?"

Yorkshire man:
"Nay lad, I've browt it wi' me."

When I travel, people often ask me why I live in the Philippines ? Well here it is.....

It is the only place on earth where...

1. Every street has a basketball court.

2. Even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.

3. Doctors study to become nurses for employment abroad.

4. Students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.

5. School is considered the second home and the MALL considered the third.

6. Call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses.

7. Everyone has his personal ghost story and superstition.

8. Mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places.

9. Everything can be forged and/or copied.

10. All kinds of animals are edible. (but not all eats them)

A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I please have a KitKat
Chunky?'
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to
him.

'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat [Mod Removed].'

Hey Sarcasters, any fans of the Sarcasm King here in the desert? Been his fan since the Daily Show days

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: How yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st: Forget mine. Let's find yours!!

**********

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends ".

**********

What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

**********

Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means,

" With Idiot For Ever !!!"

**********

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

A nun (no offences to anyone - its just a joke) gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver.

She says: I am gonna die soon but I want to have sex before I do, must remain a virgin so it must be anal and I cant commit adultry so the man must be single, can you fulfil my wish?

Driver: Yes and fukks her in the arse.
Then feeling guility says "I'm sorry I lied, I am married with 3 kids"

Nun: That's ok. My name is Kevin and I am going to a fancy dress party

1.Stripp Joint

Two guys are in a strip joint, one is sitting in front of the other. A woman comes on stage and starts stripping.
The guy in back, Paul, says, "Oh yeah, Oh yeah!"

Then the first guy turns around and says, " Hey Paul, shut up!"

Then two women come out and start stripping. Paul, once again, starts, "Yeah baby..mmmm....yeah!"

Once again the guy in front turns around and tells Paul to be quiet. So three women come out and start stripping. Paul is silent.

The guy in front says, "Hey Paul, where's all your excitement now?"

Paul says, "All over your back!"

2.Hell

i bought a guide book for Greece. Now the country has burnt down.
Will lonely planet give me a refund?
Will i get money back from the Arsonists?
I want to sue because I am fed up.. it is a new book.

A similar situation occurred when i bought a guide book for pakistan... they had an earthquake.

even more inconsiderate is my middle east book. i am sure the maps for lebanon are not so accurate any more.

These events render my book useless and it isn't my fault.
luckily i wasnt affected by the tsunami a couple of years ago and it didn't impinge on any of my purchases.

on a good note an old map i had for Goma in Congo from a 20 year old guide book was surpisingly accurate despite volcano and a lot of tooing and froing with Hutu/Tusi refugees.