Just for Laughs (MEN & WOMEN) -repost

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
  40-ish              -       49
  Adventurous         -       Slept with everyone
  Athletic            -       No tits
  Average looking     -       Ugly
  Beautiful           -       Pathological liar
  Contagious Smile    -       Does a lot of pills
  Emotionally secure  -       On medication
  Feminist            -       Fat
  Free spirit         -       Junkie
  Friendship first    -       Former very *friendly* person
  Fun                 -       Annoying
  New Age             -       Body hair in the wrong places
  Open-minded         -       Desperate
  Outgoing            -       Loud and Embarrassing  Passionate          -       Sloppy drunk
  Professional        -       BiAtch
  Voluptuous          -       Very Fat
  Large frame         -       Hugely Fat
  Wants Soul mate     -       Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH
  1. Yes                =       No
  2. No                 =       Yes
  3. Maybe              =       No
  4. We need            =       I want
  5. I am sorry         =       you'll be sorry
  6. We need to talk    =       you're in trouble
  7. Sure, go ahead     =       you better not
  8. Do what you want   =       you will pay for this later
  9. I am not upset     =       of course I am upset, you moron!
 10. U'r very attentive tonight = is sex all "U" ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH
  1. I am hungry    =       I am hungry
  2. I am sleepy    =       I am sleepy
  3. I am tired     =       I am tired
  4. Nice dress     =       Nice cleavage!
  5. I love you     =       let's have sex now
  6. I am bored     =       Do you want to have sex?
  7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
  8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
  9. Do you want to go to a movie?  = I'd like to have sex with you
 10. Can I take you out to dinner?  = I'd like to have sex with you
 11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit =  I'm gay

And finally....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.