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PSEUDO-RELATIONSHIPS...who wins, who lose?
SITUATION 1: She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be "friends." They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she's okay. They still date. They still have sex. They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real score. Even
her friends are in the dark.
"Like they are, ONLY They aren't."
SITUATION 2: They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at the mall. She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex-boyfriend jealous. They made out during the company outing in and never talked about it. He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too.
There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!
SITUATION 3:She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh restaurants,he brings her to his condo where they would make out. They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe that "they're boy/girlfriends" but then she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's important is I am enjoying this -- whatever it is."
-----------------------------
The "As if you are, but NOT" stage. Others call it M.U. or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends.
Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers.
This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship.
Or if there is a relationship at all.
Another downside...it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would
be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, you don't know where you stand in a pseudo-relationship. Because you have nothing to hold on to.
Because in a pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." There is "you and me," but "us."
SO, TELL ME...WHO WINS? WHO LOSE?
How would you know you're in a REAL/PSEUDO-RELATIONSHIP
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azilana7037 said
In my opinion...the women ...always loses...be it for real or make-believe.
joey_1380 said
no one loses...especially ...no one loses...especially when the person is old enough to decide for him/herself, he/she must be responsible for it.. As long as you like what you do, you enjoy the feeling and you express ur emotions and thoughts..No regrets...
Gypsy said
The woman loses, because ...The woman loses, because we're taught not to question or ask a guy what the situation is in case he feels "pressured" or we scare him off. So while he's enjoying the sex with no strings, the girl's left waiting and wondering.
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EddyK said
Hi ...EddyK
Hi am a new member of this site and am still learning my way around. Just wanted someone to chat with.
azilana7037 said
pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun...MENFOLK say ...If the person is just "playing the field"...
For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "warm-tingling" feeling.
No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit,because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.
Men always have these excuse/s....duhhh
joey_1380 said
I guess men wouldn't force ...I guess men wouldn't force any lady to be involve with him in this type of relationship..Ladies are always have the right to reject or accept..If she choses to get involve with him to this relationship...then this is her choice..she must prepare herself for the consequences...and this be pseudo-relationship can be vice-versa right??
KheirM said
arrange marriage ...is only good if you are virgin...no virginity cannot have arrange marriage...so we are lucky with arrange marriage because our wife are virgin...LOL!!!
heero_yuy2 said
azilana,gypsy and joey1380's 2nd post are right ...The only problem with a pseudo-relationship...
...if they do run away, they don't or can't provide their own home to stay for the rest of their lives...
Unlike an arranged marriage, the unity helps them achieve a certain goal in their own futures. pseudo-relationships have no goal at all...
"Everything in this book may be wrong." Illusions: The Adventures of The Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach
Greg said
hurt ...Unfortunately in these type of relationships, someone usually and almost always gets hurt. There is also often a lot of avoiding the truth or reality so the one person is led on. There are always strings in no strings attached "just friends or love as a friend" relationships.
sammie1571 said
The problem is that feeling ...The problem is that feeling will always come into play!
Gypsy said
It's always best to date ...It's always best to date people who are open and honest about what they want.
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superdoc said
As long as man can get into ...As long as man can get into her panties, he is the winner.
sammie1571 said
Who says it is not the other ...Who says it is not the other way around????
azilana7037 said
When I was younger...been in a pseudo-relationship ...though I was the last to know...like as always ;-/
But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, THE WOMEN ARE ALWAYS THE LOSER.
Gypsy said
I think all of my ...I think all of my relationships have been pseudo relationships to be honest :P
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azilana7037 said
Gypsy.....it's their loss.... ...not ours...
;-P
Gypsy said
Defintely ;D cause it leaves ...Defintely ;D cause it leaves us open to find real men. :P
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heero_yuy2 said
Re:gypsy ...cause it leaves us open to find real men.
I hope your message gets read by that someone who returned the gifts I gave her...and make her realize that...
It's their loss, azilana. Yer right.
"Everything in this book may be wrong." Illusions: The Adventures of The Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach
Gypsy said
Well if she returned your ...Well if she returned your gifts she's not worth your time.
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sammie1571 said
Why would you return ...Why would you return gifts?????????? Strange girl!!
Gypsy said
I hate getting gifts (unless ...I hate getting gifts (unless it's pork) and I still don't return them
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Vegas said
You guys are crazy...Play the field until you meet the right one ...Put the past behind you...
Even if a guy not serious at first he may become so...
Cause when a guy meets the right one he stcks with her...
You can't teach experience
DaRuDe said
huh Gypsy ...give me my stuff back :D
copper said
Why do we always have to define a relationship?! ... ...If two individuals are happy with each other, the way they are, and both exactly know what they expect from each other, then we dont have to give it a new term or definition.And no matter what we might call the relationship, whether we call it marriage,love,date or whatever,there are always chances it may fail as all relationships have its ups and downs.
So according to me,its not the term we give the relationship that's important.What matters is,both know what they expect from it and are ready to face reality.
We just need to be honest and not give false hopes!!
MAN!! NOW THAT SOUNDS REALLY SERIOUS.... ;)..Guess I should eat few smileys right now
sammie1571 said
At the end of the ...At the end of the day.........
The only things in life you regret are the things you never did!!!!
Sometimes you find love in the least expected place!
Gypsy said
No I don't believe that ...No I don't believe that Vegas, I honestly think a guy needs to be ready before they can get serious, and often the moment they decide they are they get serious with the next girl they meet. If a relationship starts out as a fling it will end as a fling.
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Vegas said
I didn't mean ya gotta bang every guy you meet??? ...Take it slow...No flings...
You can't teach experience
Loulsy said
In my Opnion ...As a person stuck in an is and is not situation.. both lose at the end.. bcz while one decides he/she hates the pseudo stage and decides to move on, the other will realize that this is what they want and decide to pursue it further, they end up being alone cz the other isnt waiting anymore..
WYSIWYG
sammie1571 said
why even have a fling???? ...why even have a fling???? Whats the point?
If your stupid enough to jump into bed with them without getting to know them then that is your fault!
joey_1380 said
i disagree Gypsy...Believe ...i disagree Gypsy...Believe man usually get serious as the relationship goes deeper... Men are not robots, men have feelings too..I thought women have their "women instinct" why dont they use them to find out if a guy is sincere or not...
Vegas said
I went from girl to girl to girl to girl to girl to girl to girl ...And then I found the right one...:)
You can't teach experience
junarc2003 said
vegas ...you forgot to add... "and so on and so forth".....LOL
sammie1571 said
And what made you think she ...And what made you think she was the right one?
Vegas said
Yeah took four years to find the right one...It takes time... ...You can't teach experience
junarc2003 said
the right one for what by ...the right one for what by the way?
Vegas said
When you know you know...That's all I can say... ...But Gypsy is right...Guys need ot be honest if the relationship is not gonna go anywhere...
You can't teach experience
sammie1571 said
It is like guys get scared ...It is like guys get scared so just cheat instead!
sammie1571 said
The right hand! ...The right hand!
Vegas said
Scared of what???? The thought of only screwing one woman ...The rest of their lives???
You can't teach experience
sammie1571 said
Scared of not having the ...Scared of not having the choice anymore? Not sure i am not a man! But when i get scared in past relationships i run a mile!
Gypsy said
Gotta agree with Sam, in the ...Gotta agree with Sam, in the past I self destructed every relationship I got in because I was scared of settling down. Now I don't do that anymore because I'm ready for a real relationship.
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azilana7037 said
Once one agrees/agreed to this kind of set-up ...for fun or the hope that it will blossom to a "real/serious" relationship....and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.
But pain could be avoided...they say "Don't think about what's gonna happen tomorrow (the future) and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences".
Easier said than done...pseudo or not...the FEELINGS are "real"....
heero_yuy2 said
In the end, azilana ......it's not our loss. We try to fix things. Some people doesn't care about it.
Let it be.
"Everything in this book may be wrong." Illusions: The Adventures of The Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach
lazydude said
azi ...i have two thoughts on this
1) Every male is always on the lookout for change ..a chance ..coz he is never satisfied even if miss universe is married to him..feelings uhh.. whats that ..
2) Every woman , what ever is the relationship has feelings and emotions tied up with it ..
I am yet to meet a saint although all the guys i have met in every country i have been to ..are two faced.
different in front of their wives and different with guys around ..n then you should hear them ..!!!
I can already feel a lot of guys gettin set to take a swipe at me ..
well guys no offence meant..keep cool ..
Winn said
quite an interesting topic.... ...my thoughts:
1. A pseudo relnship almost never evolves into a committed/open one. If one of tehm is hoping it wud, teh person is setting tehmselves up for pain n disappointment.
2. When a person says 'm not into commitment stuff' wht he/she means is that "I do not want to commit...with YOU, but wud like to pass my time till I find one I wud commit with"
3.On the other side, if wht both of em wants is clear to each other from the beginning onwards, it might not leave scars behind...but then againin matters of heart ppl are bound to be naive.
Gypsy said
Agree Winn. If you look at ...Agree Winn. If you look at relationships you will often see a guy leave a girl that he's been stringing along for years and then 6 months later get married. 9 times out of 10 if the relationship starts as fooling around it will end as fooling around.
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azilana7037 said
it's doing things that lovers do...but ...there's nothing there.
Hey...when one decides it not gonna work...the other should accept it and learn to walk away. sometimes, being in the same situation over and over again makes one numb of the pain...
Sucks...but that's life !!!
Vegas said
I say just hurry and get married before one of you change mind.. ...You can't teach experience
t_coffee_or_me said
Cheat and love But dont love ...Cheat and love But dont love and cheat...
Think and love But dont love and think..
Break the heart and love But dont love and then break the Heart.....
Losing the person u love hurts.
Some people say u will get over it easily
But its really tough especially
When the one u loved was the ONLY one u EVER loved
Vegas said
I don't understand this one way love...If both don't love... ...Why bother???
You can't teach experience
Vegas said
I wanna see Iron Man again...That was a good movie...:) ...You can't teach experience