Sarcastics Anonymous

Stephen Colbert

SurfALot — Thu, 01 May 2008 19:38:39 +0300

Hey Sarcasters, any fans of the Sarcasm King here in the desert? Been his fan since the Daily Show days

Sarcastics Anonymous

THE DIANA INQUEST (An alternative view of Fayed's 'day in court')

jauntie — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 08:59:51 +0300

DIANA MURDERED INQUEST HEARS

Princess Diana and Didi Dodi Fayed were murdered, Mohamed "Call me Al" Fayed has told the inquest into their deaths in a car crash in Paris in August 1997.

Harabs boss and father of Didi Dodi, Mr Fayed outlined his belief there was a conspiracy involving Prince Philip, alias Obergruppenfuhrer von Frankenstein, Prince Charles and MI6 to murder Diana thus enabling the Prince of Wales to marry his concubine, Camilla Parkya-Balls. He accused the Israeli Secret Service Mossad of hiring a hit-squad of dissident Serbian Chetniks led by General Dushan Sonovabic and MI6 of recruiting Henri Paul, Didi Dodi's chauffeur, for a suicide mission.

Mr Fayed said there had been a massive cover-up which included the Princess's sister Sarah McCorquodale, two former Scotland Yard Commissioners Lord Condom
and Lord Stevens, two French pathologists, the French police, the French Foreign Legion, the French Establishment, the Count of Monte Cristo, Vladimir Putin,
the Masonic Lodge P2, the Illuminati, Andrew Lloyd Webber, the Lord Lieutenant of Buckinghamshire, Robert Mugabe, the President of Bolivia and A. Partridge who was hiding in a pear tree to avoid testifying at the inquest.

Mr Fayed insisted that Diana was pregnant by Didi Dodi at the time of her death. He knew this because his security operatives at the Paris Hilton had substituted her contraceptive pills for tic-tacs and because the Voices told him so.

As the court adjourned a clearly distressed Mr Fayed was helped from the witness box by two men in white coats.

Paris Hilton is 26.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s1i30632

Written by Nacho Mac

Story written: 18 February 2008

Sarcastics Anonymous

Just for Laughs

t_coffee_or_me — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 08:15:41 +0300

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: How yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st: Forget mine. Let's find yours!!

**********

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends ".

**********

What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

**********

Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means,

" With Idiot For Ever !!!"

**********

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and

Panic is when both are pregnant.

**********

Teacher: u know the importance of period?

Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.

**********

Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ???

No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints .

**********

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential

Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!

**********

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.

Daughter ( Excitingly ): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.

Mother Faints...

Sarcastics Anonymous

Foot and mouth

Mackem in Qatar — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 15:26:33 +0300

Police have discovered foot and mouth in the north of Scotland, it is reported. The location of the rest of Colin Macrae continues to puzzle Police...

Sarcastics Anonymous

Fancy Party....

skdkak — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 13:12:41 +0300

A nun (no offences to anyone - its just a joke) gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver.

She says: I am gonna die soon but I want to have sex before I do, must remain a virgin so it must be anal and I cant commit adultry so the man must be single, can you fulfil my wish?

Driver: Yes and fukks her in the arse.
Then feeling guility says "I'm sorry I lied, I am married with 3 kids"

Nun: That's ok. My name is Kevin and I am going to a fancy dress party

Sarcastics Anonymous

You don't have care? Rent a one

Gypsy — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 13:41:34 +0300

This thread is dedicated to those wonderful classifieds that don't make any sense.

Such as:
You don't have care? Rent a one

I wonder how much it costs to rent a care? what kind of care;s can you get?

Post any other funny classifieds here. :D

Sarcastics Anonymous

Must be the age of 18+ to read these jokes :P

pink_lipstick — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 16:47:52 +0300

1.Stripp Joint

Two guys are in a strip joint, one is sitting in front of the other. A woman comes on stage and starts stripping.
The guy in back, Paul, says, "Oh yeah, Oh yeah!"

Then the first guy turns around and says, " Hey Paul, shut up!"

Then two women come out and start stripping. Paul, once again, starts, "Yeah baby..mmmm....yeah!"

Once again the guy in front turns around and tells Paul to be quiet. So three women come out and start stripping. Paul is silent.

The guy in front says, "Hey Paul, where's all your excitement now?"

Paul says, "All over your back!"

2.Hell

A guy died and woke up to find he was in Hell. He was really depressed as he stood in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor. He thought to himself, "I know I led a wild life, but I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this."

Looking up he saw that it was his turn to be processed into Hell. With fear and a heavy heart, he walked up to the counselor.

The counselor said, "What's the problem, you look depressed?"

The man responded, "Well, what do you think? I'm in Hell."

The counselor said, "Hell's not so bad, we actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to drink?"

The man said, "Sure, I love to drink."

The counselor replied, "Well then, you are going to love Mondays. On Mondays we drink up a storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want and as much as you want. We party all night long. You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke?"

The man said, "Yes, as a matter of fact I do."

The counselor replied, "You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer because you are already dead! Is that great or what? You are going to love Tuesdays. Do you do drugs?"

The man said, "Well in my younger days I experimented a little; never inhaled."

The counselor replied, "You are going to love Wednesdays. That's drug day. You can experiment with any drug you want and you don't have to worry about overdoses or getting hooked because you are already dead. You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?"

The man said, "Yes, I love to gamble."

The counselor replied, "You are going to love Thursdays because we gamble all day and night--black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! You are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?"

The man said, "Well, no I'm not."

The counselor replied, "Oh, Fridays then, uh, will certainly be a new experience for you..."

3.Hard times

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll become a hooker.

She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner.

She's not there five minutes when a guy pulls up and says, "How much?"

"A hundred dollars."

"Damn. All I've got is thirty."

"Hold on," she says and runs back to Harry. "What can he get for thirty dollars?"

"A handjob," Harry replies.

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a handjob.

He says okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a simply HUGE male unit.

She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back."

She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, "Harry, can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"

Lo0oL :p

Jokes Provided By www.Aarons-jokes.com

Sarcastics Anonymous

Lets Get Sarcastic

DaRuDe — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 20:16:08 +0300

Dont let this group get cold. lets make it running too.
So lets get bit psycho. hey nothing personal or serious plz. and no pointing at each other.

Sarcastics Anonymous

guide books

Oryx — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 08:36:32 +0300

i bought a guide book for Greece. Now the country has burnt down.
Will lonely planet give me a refund?
Will i get money back from the Arsonists?
I want to sue because I am fed up.. it is a new book.

A similar situation occurred when i bought a guide book for pakistan... they had an earthquake.

even more inconsiderate is my middle east book. i am sure the maps for lebanon are not so accurate any more.

These events render my book useless and it isn't my fault.
luckily i wasnt affected by the tsunami a couple of years ago and it didn't impinge on any of my purchases.

on a good note an old map i had for Goma in Congo from a 20 year old guide book was surpisingly accurate despite volcano and a lot of tooing and froing with Hutu/Tusi refugees.
but there was bugger all to begin with anyway.

Sarcastics Anonymous

Boring

Gypsy — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 17:52:30 +0300

Is anyone else finding QL a little dull lately? No more trolls, nothing but "good morning" "I love you all" "Isn't the world peachy keen" posts. I don't know about anyone else but I miss the drama.