The Myth of the Stay at Home Mom

So you shouldn't have kids if you can't afford to have one parent stay at home?

It is hand to mouth....really.

Thousands of the children are thrown out of the house every year.

I've been a stay at home mom for 23 years now. It is hard work. ALL moms make sacrifices in life and this makes no mention of that in relation to SAHM's. This is my career no matter what this nitwit says and I will NEVER be done with it. Nothing is more permanent than parenthood. By the way the Rewards, as well as the regrets, are greater in parenthood (not just mothers) than in any other occupation.

MM where the hell do you get your information from?

Flor, I disagree, fathers have just as much instinct as mothers. I know quite a few stay at home dads (including my husband) and in many ways they are just as good if not better than the mother.

Deedee, I'm sorry, but after your kids leave the house, what more is there for you to do all day?

Please be soft, I was going through a local news paper on last Thursday, my sister.

Being a stay at home mom doesn't mean giving up on your career or anything like that.

I personally know a number of local/Expat women who are single moms and working from home. They running Affiliate Businesses and leading financially / spiritually/mentally fulfilled and fabulous lifestyle.

.......''Councils in England launched 886 legal proceedings to remove at-risk youngsters from their families in March, taking the 12-month total to 10,199.''...........

Are you kidding me? How about the dishes, the laundry, the shopping, the cooking, the helping in their classrooms, organizing their sports/music/church/scout activities.
Believe me, I have plenty to do. I take my career seriously and I do a freaking good job. I am molding human lives--creating valuable contributing members of society. I am not sitting eating bonbons and watching soap opera!

I didn't say you were deedee. I just know I was bored being at home after 3 months. I can't imagine what I would do when there wasn't still kids in the house to take care of.

councils removing 'at-risk' teenageers....this is not parents kicking them out.

He was going to university Prism and he still is. He's only stay at home 2 days a week and once he finishes Uni he'll be working full time.

hmmm...then he doesnt qualify as 'stay at home husband' as a 'stay at home mom' is discussed.

Much as I am FOR a career and believe that a woman can handle both career and being a MUM with aplomb I have a lot of respect for the ladies who stay at home full time with their kids. I got this thru a fwd mail from a friend 2 weeks ago and though I hate the CP's of forwards this seems very appropriate on this thread and I must say it just makes me respect SAHM even more...:)
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A woman named Emily renewing her driver's license at the Transport office was asked by the clerk to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the clerk, "do you have a job, or are you just a ......?

"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a Mum."

"We don't list 'Mum' as an occupation...... 'housewife' covers it," said the clerk emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same

situation, this time at our local police station. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it, I do not know... The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire!

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't), in the laboratory and in the field,", (normally I would have said indoors and out).

"I'm working for my Masters, (the whole bloody family), and already have four credits, (all daughters). "Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree.?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the girl's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

When I got home, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 10, 7, and 3. Upstairs, I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby), in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had triumphed over bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mum."
Motherhood.....What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations"? and great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates"???

I think so!!!

I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants".

are for what ?

Tinker, I love that one! Very apt!

Here is the thing. One can look at this from different sides. A stay at home mun does not bring home money. She is, one could say, employed. By the one (usually husband or partner) who DOES bring the money home to finance this whole endeavour. She does her work, and she gets paid for it. Now, how much depends on what kind of boss( husband or partner) she chose. One that brings home a lot of money, or one that brings home a little.
Her work is important, as she takes care of one side of the business, and the other party (husband, partner) of the other side.
Both are equally important, as one does not function well without the other.
Of course, there are mothers/fathers who take care of both sides without the help of a partner. Nothing wrong with that either...although pretty exhausting to run a venture like that all by yourself...I am always for delegating...you have to make compromises, but still, it is my preference.

as much as i have respect for the stay at home moms who gave up their other careers for their families, i admire moms who work but still fulfill their duties as mothers to their children. my mom is one of them.

it's not just about the money, although it is very important and equally admirable for some of them to sacrifice the most important parts of their children's lives just to ensure that there are enough resources for them to continue to have food on the table and ensure a good life for their kids. and yes, it's hard for the kids as well. i cried hard when i was the only one who didn't have a mother to escort me down the aisle for my first communion because she couldn't leave the office on time. my dad traveled a lot and didn't earn enough then.

it is also important for a mother, as a woman, to feel she is productive. that she can choose to reach her full potential as a human being and her identity is not limited to being simply someone's wife, mother, daughter and sister, although she is also all of those roles at the same time. that she can make something of herself through her own endeavors and achieve some things by herself.

I think that's the point of the article wirehead, that not only do working mothers do everything that stay at home mothers do, but they put food on the table and have careers as well.

Flor, food is the responsibility of both parents. If you really want to go into the past, children would have been left with grandparents and older siblings while both parents went out to hunt & work the fields to provide food. It takes a village to raise a child, not just a mother.

Pretty much until industrialization Flor. Unless you were wealthy and could afford people to get your food for you, you pretty much needed every able bodies person out working. That's why people had so many kids.

So.....what's your point?

Both parents are responsible for raising the child, whether that's both working to be able to provide for the children, or one staying home (either mother or father).

you are right flor1212

Flor, what is a "pre wedding seminar"...and what book are you talking about?

and there are COMMON responsibilities.

If you talk about working to earn a living to support the family, that's the primary responsibility of the FATHER. If the Mother wants to help and work also, SHE CAN BUT that is NOT her primary responsibility. Her primary responsibility is to take care of the household and children properly as "commanded".

I did take a pre-marriage seminar Flor, but as I'm not part of your church and my church not only believes in divorce but in the responsibility of BOTH parents to provide for the child, we obviously didn't get the same lecture.

Both parents are responsible for providing for the child, both physically, spiritually and emotionally.

only in his family apparently. i've friends who chose to have civil weddings instead because the church requires them to waste time on pre-marriage seminars conducted by priests who have no clue about married life.

so your statement is wrong! But if you are observant, you will start to recognize us even in the USA and Canada.

And Wirehead, so TRUE your statement about the priests' pre-marriage seminar.. I will not contradict you on that, actually, I am pleased you know it!

Some men stay at home & the wife is the bread winner! No rule book I'm afraid ....ur view Flor is very outdated in my culture!!!

How can you believe it is really outdated? We move with the times! i.e. some men now stay at home with the children while the wife go out and work.

Be careful when you say "You believe in same sex marriage, we are not!" because you don't know what I believe. If you are referring to my culture then we don't all believe in the same things and can't be grouped with the same beliefs. Hence not outdated.

With same sex marriage it is more accepted in our culture yes, which is a good thing. Just because you don't "believe" in gay/lesbians doesn't mean they don't exist and that it will go away. Our culture has just moved with the times and realised that this is part of the world and society and instead of brushing it under the carpet and disrespecting/shaming people because of their sexuality our culture accepts that it exists.

However, as I said at the start not everyone in our culture 'believes' in it or even accepts it. Some are even homophobic.

Are you asking if I teach children the roles of gay/lesbians???!!!.....seriously?

it's the interpretation that your culture want to synchronize to what you want, not as written.

so we'll leave it here, ok? Read my comments again and try to dissect the real essence. Good afternoon.

To OP and comments about both parents needing to work--

For most people in developed countries it comes down to a choice and how much material sacrifice is necessary to do the right thing and have a parent in the home when the children are young. It means smaller house, lesser car, less entrainment out. Some are not willing to give this up because of so-called "need" for such things.

I mean my comment or my view.

Flor, what do you mean by "inherent" the only thing that's inherent is that parents take care of their children. I'm the breadwinner in my family, that's my inherent role.

Rofling. My God you live in the Middle Ages don't you?

It is man's responsibility to provide for the family not that of women. If the women wants to work it is fine as long as she doesnt compromise on her main responsibility to taking care of children and household and observes the Hijab and modesty (both in dress and actions).

However one thing I dont understand is the feminist way of thinking. It is a privilege given to women that they have got 3 times more right on children than men and also it is a privilege given to women that they are not responsible for providing for the family rather it is the man who has the responsibility.

However these feminists glorify mothers who work; if a women is a homemaker and she is cooking food for her husband and family then it is looked down upon; however if the same women will serve pizzas to strangers for 50-100$ per day with a plastic smile she is considered a Career Women (succesful).

I think this kind of attitude is harmful to women themselves as this is putting more pressure on women to become a SUPERwomen who has to endure stress at workplace and stress at home which is not practicable in the long run.

Insanity, your religion may tell you that women can only be mothers, but the reality is that women can be both mothers and career women, just like men can be father's and have a career. Both parents need to provide for the well being of their children.

Also, it is not a question of what women can do and what women cant; a women can waste her entire life to achieve a gold medal in olympics - but that was not her main responsibility (of raising her children).

However if she can achieve after fulfilling her primary responsibilities it is fine but not all women are mentally and physically competent to achieve success in both the fields so lets not put pressure on all women just because of a few women who can do all these things.

Lastly, more often than not most of the career women havent been able to provide the kind of emotional support to their family as a women who is totally devoted to her home.

If I earned more than my hubby, he would be the one to stay at home holding the baby. You do what works for you as a family unit, not what religion or culture says.

"... I most definitely don't think that winning an Olympic gold medal would be considered a waste of my life. ..."

Exactly, because you are seeing your success or failure from the eyes of other people (liek all career women).

"..I'm sorry, but I'm more than a breed cow. I don't have a "primary" responsibility and..."

You cant fight with God; God has given women the ability and privelege to give birth to children (not to men) and hence god has given women 3 times more right on her children than men. However if you look down upon this ability of women and equate it as to a "breed cow" then it shows how much you have been brainwashed into beliving the feminists theory.

insanity the only brainwashed person here is you. What's this "3" times more right? How can you say that when Muslim women can't get custody of their children in a divorce? What rubbish.

I view my success through my own eyes, how proud I am of myself and what makes me feel fulfilled. I could give a rat's behind what other people think. We all do what works for us in our life. I have my child's best interests in mind in everything I do, and I do what I can to make sure he, my husband and I are all happy.

As for "God" it she has an issue with how I'm living my life, she can strike me down anytime she feels like it.

Men have been given the same right...without a man she cannot have that baby and vice versa. It's a gift from God for both, men and women.

Exactly Snessy. Babies are part of both parents, and both parents have the responsibility to provide for their child.

As long as a child is loved, they'll grow up alright.

Wow. So my son has to love me. Groovy. And after he's done telling me that he loves me 3 times, what am I supposed to do with my day? Sit on the couch? Eat chocolates? Do the umpteenth load of laundry? Twiddle my thumbs?

You know what. He can say he loves me three times and then I'll go to work and feel good about myself AND be busy and productive.

Well they are just wastes MT. All women who can't have children should just be shot right? They're not fulfilling their purpose in life!