A state of emergency declared

The tiny state of Qatar has declared a state of emergency due to severe shortage of shopping malls, with officials saying that some residents have been restricted to fortnightly shopping trips. The crisis seems to have started when the slumbering administration decided to force the malls into complying with exisiting but previously neglected fire safety norms. "We decided to make these changes on top urget priority. This has to be completed before the locals return from their summer shopping trips in Europe" said the Minister for Mall Affairs Mr. Salem Al-Dukhani. Citizens seem to have been spared the wrath of these closures, while Harrods of London has reported a sharp increase in sales and parking violations involving maroon Bugattis and blue Lamborghinis at the store front location.

The brunt of this mall shortage is being borne by expat residents of Qatar. The Hamas hospital trauma centre is reporting a sharp increase in heat stroke related complaints since the closures came into place. "This has been the worst summer for us immigrant labourers, since the 2010 Bebsi crisis when prices of canned drinks increased by 0.5 QR" said Ramdeb Dambar who used to spend the sweltering afternoons (Saturday through Thursdays) strolling within the cool confines of City Corner Mall (CCM).

"I decided not to sit idle and watch my countrymen and women suffer. I wanted to do something about this problem.." says psychology graduate Maribella Maricor who lost her job as a sales assistant at one of the mall outlets. Maribella now runs a free "Mall de-addiction clinic" every Wednesday evening at the De Monte school - Al Hilal. Geraldine Pennyworth (46) a housewife from Texas says "These days I shop for all my groceries at the neighbourhood 'New Malabar Supermarket'. Once you develop a taste for fruits sun-ripened in the back of a van, I'm sure you won't want to head back to the big name supermarkets anytime soon.

Looking on the positive side, Appu Ayappan the managing director of 2-Loo and Hypari supermarkets is thrilled at the increase in customers. "Previously only clients from my native state used to shop here. Now, not only country-mates from other regions but expatriates from other countries are thronging in hordes to my supermarket. Once you give them a taste of Madras beef curry, they will keep coming back for more". This was confirmed by a shopper queuing up at the hot food section - Biryanis, Tikka Masala and Khormas are the hottest selling items, literally.

- Staff Reporter, RNN.

Mod note: In case you missed it, this is not a real news story. It is satire. Thus it was posted to the Funnies section.