IRANIANS FREE TO EXCHANGE MEANINGLESS RUBBISH

BARACK Obama urged Twitter to postpone a planned upgrade so that Iranians could continue to exchange their meaningless thoughts about television programmes and clothes.

(Supreme Leader of the Guardian Council, Grand Ayatollah Ali Khamenei has eight friends on Bebo but only 2 on Facebook, one of which is dead. Denies that he is bigandbouncy on Qatar Living)

The US president stepped in, fearing the country's anti-government protests could fizzle-out unless millions were able to discuss their lunch plans as dismembered limbs flew past their office windows.

A State Department spokesman said: "It's encouraging that, while Iran struggles towards a new democracy, people can still chronicle the tedious and excruciating details of their lives after wiping the blood stains off their Blackberry."

Tom Logan, a security analyst who has been tracking the messages, added: "So far it's the same inexplicable, pointless bollocks you get over here but with marginally more references to effigy burning and humus."

Traffic from Iran has increased 250% since the disputed elections, with messages such as 'Iqbal says thx to all the guys in Karaj for hauling his car off the roof. U rock!!' and 'Shazia will see evry1 by the riot for a non-alcholic beverage l8ter, LOL'.

Youtube spokesman Scott Rubin likened the spread of networking sites in oppressive regimes to the Czech Republic's Velvet Revolution, 'only with lots more mind-buggeringly appalling amateur pop videos and blatant copyright theft'.

Other social networking sites, such as Facebook, have been banned in Iran, with some observers insisting it therefore makes it a much, much better place to live.