The pirate

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while.

You look terrible. What happened?" "What do you mean?"
said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't  have that before." "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now".
"Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword
fight. Me hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up
and one of them sh*t in me eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you shouldn't lose an eye just
from some bird sh*t..."
"It was me first day with me hook..."