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exiledsaint said
I'll start... Can anyone ...I'll start...
Can anyone help me with the crossword today?
Sri Lankan cricketer, born 1977, 38 letters
and
I'm an umpire for women's cricket.
I love to get that finger up.
britexpat said
Four fonts walk into a ...Four fonts walk into a bar.
The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
sandeepkadian said
Can I post really sick jokes ...Can I post really sick jokes here if nobody starts judging me??
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
Dracula said
Man goes into doctor's ...Man goes into doctor's surgery and, after an examination, the doctor says "I can only give you ten to live..."
"Ten what, Doc? Months? Days"
The doctor replies: "Nine!"
Pajju said
well guys kharamma sucks .. ...well guys kharamma sucks .. here is power cut
Dracula said
Man to Woman: Would you ...Man to Woman: Would you sleep with me for a million pounds?
Woman to Man (after thought): Yes I would.
Man to Woman: Brilliant, now we've established the principle let's talk about the price!
shreeya said
A Sardaar and his father ...A Sardaar and his father also a Sardaar are walking down a street when the father says, ''Look, a dead bird.''
The Sardaar looks up and says, ''Where?''
Everything's gonna be alright!!!
exiledsaint said
This year, I'm going to join ...This year, I'm going to join our American cousins and celebrate Thanksgiving the old fashioned way. By which I mean I'm going to drive to the industrial area, round up a bunch of Indians in a van, deliever them to the Americans so they can serve them food and help them get through their first winter in Doha so they can then slaughter them after the traditional big feast..
Gica Contra said
Pajju mate, did you payed ...Pajju mate, did you payed the electricity bill? =))
A horse enter into a bar. The bartender asked him: "Who killed JFK?"
Dracula said
Did you hear about the ...Did you hear about the dyslexic, amnesiac, agnostic who sat up all night wondering if there was a dog.
sandeepkadian said
Ok I will avoid really sick ...Ok I will avoid really sick for now... Here are some others..
My girlfriend is a porn star.
She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out.
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
shreeya said
Gosh!!! Mine is atleast ...Gosh!!! Mine is atleast tolerable.your's is really worst...
Everything's gonna be alright!!!
exiledsaint said
No producer wants to take up ...No producer wants to take up my idea of a porno terrorist movie even though I know its a sure winner....69/11........
sandeepkadian said
Christianity: One woman's ...Christianity: One woman's lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand.
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
sandeepkadian said
double post ...double post
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
Dracula said
Marie comes home to find her ...Marie comes home to find her husband in the arms of another woman. She reaches in her purse, removes a gun and puts it to her head.
Her husband pleads with her: "Marie, don't do it! This is not worth taking your life over!"
Marie replies: "Don't you worry, mister. You're next!"
pmcorrea said
Two lumberjack teeth walk ...Two lumberjack teeth walk into a bar. Bartender yells at them,"Hey, we don't allow your kind in here." One of the lumberjack teeth turns to him and says,"Oh, we didn't see the plaque on the wall."
britexpat said
Ahem.. We;re talking tasteless jokes here right ????? ...How does a Welshman find a sheep in tall grass?
Very satisfying.
Dracula said
Eli Whiteny, the inventor of ...Eli Whiteny, the inventor of cotton gin, told his friends: "Hi guys, will you please get your cotton picking hands off my gin?"
sandeepkadian said
I was raping a woman the ...I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, "Please, think of my children!"
Kinky [Let's not get blocked by the Telco]!!!!
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
Dracula said
A guy to another. -I don't ...A guy to another.
-I don't know what is wrong, I am seeing large red flashing dots every nights.
-Have you seen a doctor?
-No! Just large red flashing dots.
britexpat said
Which reminds me: What is ...Which reminds me:
What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.
exiledsaint said
And in other news: Italian ...And in other news: Italian Earthquake
A requiem dance was performed by the L’Aquila dance troupe in remembrance of the earthquake victims.
Their performance was said to be floorless.
Dracula said
Man goes into Docs and ...Man goes into Docs and says
"Doc, I think I'm a pair of curtains"
Doc says "Pull yourself together"
exiledsaint said
They say more than 100,000 ...They say more than 100,000 people watched online as surgeons separated those twin girls.
I'm not sure what website it was on, maybe Joined-At-The-Face-Book.
exiledsaint said
I saw this headline in The ...I saw this headline in The Gulf Times on Saturday,
'NEW FACEBOOK PEADO HUNT'
At first glance I thought it was just a great new app.
Gica Contra said
Hahahahaaaa.....gentelmen ...Hahahahaaaa.....gentelmen and ma'am, this is "Worst Joke" thread, not "Good Joke"... =))
exiledsaint said
The last Chinese earthquake ...The last Chinese earthquake measured 7.9 on the Richter scale and killed 60,000 people. The aftershock measured 5.8, and 400 people were injured.
Sequels are never as good as the originals, are they?
reemahf said
Mr. Pandey comes home one ...Mr. Pandey comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to
have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure,
we can't tell anybody."
The next day, Mrs. Pandey receives a telephone call from AEC
(Ahmedabad Electric Company) because the electricity bill has
not been paid. " Am I speaking to Mrs. Pandey ? " "Yes......
speaking"
AEC guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the AEC guy .
"What are you saying? It's in your files ......
HOW ?????"
"Yes .............. We have a system of finding out who's overdue"
"GOD !!!!!!......... this is too much.........."
"Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders.... I have to inform
you are overdue"
"I know that ....... let me talk to my husband about this tonight. .....
he will speak to your company tomorrow "
That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a
bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning.
"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?
What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at AEC, "it's nothing serious.
All you have to do is pay us.."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."
"Always smile in the morning, it makes people wonder what you did last night"
Dracula said
A married couple were in bed ...A married couple were in bed one night when there was a knock on the door.
The man went downstairs to find a man wanting a push.
He said forget it and went to bed.
When he went back upstairs his wife asked who was at the door.
He told her some guy wanting a push and he went back to bed.
His wife said, do you mean you didn't give him a push? After all the help strangers have given you over the years?
How could you be so callous?
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Well he realized if he didn't get up and help the guy that he'd never hear the end of it.
He went back downstairs and opened the door.
It was pitch black outside and he couldn't see a thing. He called out, hey do you still need a push?
A voice from the distance answered yes, yes I do.
He asked where are you?
I'm over here.
Well, where's over here???
I'm on the swing.
sandeepkadian said
A family are driving behind ...A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."
To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a c*ck like that."
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
britexpat said
What's got four legs and one ...What's got four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler.
Dracula said
Kidd #1: My father works as ...Kidd #1: My father works as a Plumber
Kidd #2: My father works as a IT Specialist
Kidd #3: My father works as a Doctor
Kidd #4: My father works at MacDonalds !
exiledsaint said
A few years ago, I worked on ...A few years ago, I worked on one of those
sexy chat lines, until I got laid off when it got moved to an Indian call centre.
Can't we do anything in this country anymore?
exiledsaint said
Guy: What's the difference ...Guy: What's the difference between a Big Mac and a blow job?
Girl: Don't know?
Guy: Great, what you got planned for dinner tomorrow?
exiledsaint said
Torrential rain has been ...Torrential rain has been hampering relief efforts in the recent Chinese earthquake zone....
Luckily for survivors, it's been raining cats and dogs.
edifis said
Could be worse! Not bad ...Could be worse! Not bad enough..
pmcorrea said
High-larious Exiled, as ...High-larious Exiled, as always.
Dracula said
Being a very conservative ...Being a very conservative parent, I never allowed my children to watch the Lawrence Welk show on TV.
Why?
Too much sax and violins!
alsboy said
Official note from Vatican... ..."Be all women informed that lying in bed, naked entangled with somebody and screaming: Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God.. WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED PRAYING..!!"
exiledsaint said
OK,, maybe not the worst but ...OK,, maybe not the worst but the funny sh*t that people send me rude messages about, telling me that I will go to hell..... well at least I am going first class...
sandeepkadian said
ES I got none :( And I took ...ES I got none :(
And I took out a whole religion...
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
exiledsaint said
A very British one ...A very British one now.....
Bloody Indian summers.
Coming over here stealing our Autumns.
exiledsaint said
I caught my son with a ...I caught my son with a packet of cigarettes yesterday. To punish him I tied him up in the garden, doused him in petrol and set him on fire.
I thought it would be enough to teach him a lesson, but I just looked outside and he's still smoking.
exiledsaint said
Anyone mind if we chuck in a ...Anyone mind if we chuck in a few religious jokes?
exiledsaint said
A man goes into a library ...A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; "F**k off, you won't bring it back."
reemahf said
check this ...A kindergarten teacher was walking around observing her classroom of children while they were drawing pictures. As she got to one girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
"Always smile in the morning, it makes people wonder what you did last night"
thalib01 said
A girl tells her boyfriend, ...A girl tells her boyfriend, "Come home tomorrow, no one will be at home."
When he goes the next day to her home.......
Her door was locked.
Dracula said
Knock Knock Who's ...Knock Knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo Who?
no need to cry its only a joke......
UkEngQatar said
what did the big chimney say ...what did the big chimney say to the little chimney..
Your too young to smoke
-----------------
"HE WHO DARES WINS"
Derek Edward Trotter
UkEngQatar said
What do you call a black man ...What do you call a black man with ginger hair?
Duracell
-----------------
"HE WHO DARES WINS"
Derek Edward Trotter
UkEngQatar said
What do you call a black man ...What do you call a black man with white hair?
Pint of Guinness..
-----------------
"HE WHO DARES WINS"
Derek Edward Trotter
Dracula said
doctor doctor everyone keeps ...doctor doctor everyone keeps ignoring me
next please.
UkEngQatar said
Man goes to the doctor. Man: ...Man goes to the doctor.
Man: Doctor My fingers are hurting and my knob is orange.
Doctor: let me guess you been eating wotis again while watching your favorite movie Debbie does Dallas.
-----------------
"HE WHO DARES WINS"
Derek Edward Trotter
qaisarQatar said
My first ... ...Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Gica Contra said
Two cannibals asking for the ...Two cannibals asking for the ashes on the mortuary crematorium.
The guardian :"You're cannibals, why you need human ashes ?"
Cannibals: "Morning coffee..."
sandeepkadian said
A man phones work and says ...A man phones work and says "Sorry, I can’t come in today I’m sick."
The boss says "How sick are you?"
"Well", the man replies "you judge - I’m in bed with my sister."
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
sandeepkadian said
A trucker who has been out ...A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"
The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen Darlin, I ain’t horny. I’m homesick."
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
sandeepkadian said
Always Remember No matter ...Always Remember No matter how good she may look you can be sure that somebody, somewhere is sick of putting up with her shit..
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
sandeepkadian said
Ok my last one for the ...Ok my last one for the day
Why do so many gays have moustaches?
To hide the stretch marks.
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
yousri said
What did Aunt whispered and ...What did Aunt whispered and Elephant deid?
I am pregnant.
"Think 100 times before you take a decision, But once that decision is taken, stand by it as one man" - Muhammad Ali Jinnah
leilany2 said
Morris , an 82 year-old man, ...Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical check-up....
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, ' I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
murderburger said
A fat farmer was in the CR ...A fat farmer was in the CR trying to flush his sh*t when suddenly the toiletbowl broke and bursted. The sh*t flooded into the wheatfields then POOF it became koko krunch!
..::WHY SO SERIOUS?::..
yousri said
UAAAAKKKHHH!!! :( "Think 100 ...UAAAAKKKHHH!!! :(
"Think 100 times before you take a decision, But once that decision is taken, stand by it as one man" - Muhammad Ali Jinnah
roshu said
An employee said to the ...An employee said to the manager:"Sir, Pls increase my salary from next month because I am going to get married".
Then the Manager said:" Sorry.....we are not responsible to the accident which occurs out of the factory"
leilany2 said
A blonde went into a world ...A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost $50, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money.
But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother".
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).
"Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
"Well then, just follow me", said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
"Come in and close the door" the man said.
She did. He then said "Now get on your knees."
She did.. "Now take down my zipper".
She did. "Now go ahead ... take it out....." he said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered "Well............ go ahead".
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, tentatively said...........
"Hello. Mom, can you hear me?"
britexpat said
Sex is like a game of ...Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
chaudary said
DENTIST ...Woman complaining to dentist: 'It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than
have a tooth removed.'
Dentist: 'Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly
postmodernman said
tallest building ...Q: what is the tallest building in town?
A: the library, because it has the most stories!
QatarKiwi said
Just ready a fantastic book: ...Just ready a fantastic book: "The Dog that Wouldn't Die" Just couldn't put it down
britexpat said
QatarKiwi.. ...ROFL..
Did you hear about the seal walks into a club...
sandeepkadian said
Q How was copper wire ...Q How was copper wire invented?
A Once, two Jews grabbed the same penny...
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
mintus said
Christmas in heaven should ...Christmas in heaven should be good this year.
Patrick Swayze's doing the dancing.
Farrah Fawcett's the angel.
Stephen Gately is singing in the choir.
Keith Floyd's doing the dinner.
And Michael Jackson's playing with the kids.
lol
phoenix2009 said
two dicks going to ...two dicks going to cinema,
first: i hope there will be no erotic scenes
second: why?
first: i don't want to watch the movie standing
Yalla!
sandeepkadian said
Ok time to offend some ...Ok time to offend some Brits
What is the difference between a British guy and a bag of s h i t..
The bag..
Don’t kill me for this, the thread’s title asks for it....
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
phoenix2009 said
one assassin shot many ...one assassin shot many presidents at the united notions summit, except the Indian, he just couldn't shoot him in the head;)
Yalla!
sandeepkadian said
An Indian news editor got 20 ...An Indian news editor got 20 years in prison for calling the Prime Minister a fool.
5 years for the scandal and 15 for revealing a state secret!
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
ajinpt said
What does E.T. stand ...What does E.T. stand for?
Because he aint got a chair!!
---If you can't CONVINCE 'em, CONFUSE 'em!!!
britexpat said
I was at the Four Seasons ...I was at the Four Seasons yesterday and a group of chess enthusiasts were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
exiledsaint said
Two brother weevils start ...Two brother weevils start out life together and one moves to LA to become a movie star. He starts off slowly, getting small parts here and there, but then he gets his big break in a Hollywood blockbuster. After 20 years at the top of the movie business with three oscars and 100 million dollar fortune he decides to retire. His brother stayed at home and become a farmer, raised a family and retired on a modest income.
He became known as the lesser of the two weevils....
jervis said
You asked for it: White ...You asked for it:
White babies die. They sprout wings and fly. What are they called ?
Angles.
Black Babies die, and they sprout wings. What are they called?
BATS!
---Get Smart: Fight Fire with Water---
jervis said
You asked for it: What the ...You asked for it:
What the russian word for VD?
Rotchacockoff
---Get Smart: Fight Fire with Water---
jervis said
Whats the German word for ...Whats the German word for Virgin ?
Gesundheit!
---Get Smart: Fight Fire with Water---
jervis said
Heard about the flea on the ...Heard about the flea on the toilet seat?
he got pissed off.
---Get Smart: Fight Fire with Water---
tatay. said
The exiledsaints from heaven ...The exiledsaints from heaven were the followers of devil..
exiledsaint said
tatay don't quite get your ...tatay don't quite get your joke.... was it about me?
tatay. said
exiled you are exempted of ...exiled you are exempted of those...
hassan1024 said
Michael Jackson walks into ...Michael Jackson walks into the library and asks for a book on plastic surgery.
Librarian replies "I'll give it to you if you can find the cnut who borrowed the book on suicide"
Trader said
Q : How do the Talibans ...Q : How do the Talibans seduce their women?
A : First they attack their twin towers, then they crash into their pentagon.
happygolucky said
Two flies come out of ...Two flies come out of theatre after watching a movie. One fly asks the other "Should we fly home or take a dog"...
________________________________________
One life to live, live it to the fullest.