Joe

Assessors at the Gifted Children's Information Centre in Solihull said Oscar, with an IQ of at least 160, is one of the brightest children they have every come across.

He has been ranked in the 99.99th percentile of the population and has been ranked off the scale as the Stanford-Binet test cannot measure higher than 160.

Oscar's father Joe, 29, an IT specialist from Reading in Berkshire, said: "Oscar was recently telling my wife about the reproductive cycle of penguins.

"He is always asking questions. Every parent likes to think their child was special but we knew there was something particularly remarkable about Oscar.

"I'm fully expecting the day to come when he turns around and tells me I'm an idiot."

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ''It could have been worse.''

His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.

So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.

Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?''

And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''

Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.''

Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''

Michael Jackson arrived today at his own funeral is 184 separate pieces carried by 184 Rolls Royce Silver Phantoms. The King Of Pop mysterious death can now be explained, his last plastic surgeries involved cutting him up in the design of Lego pieces.

As his plastic surgeon, Dr Quim Moneequip claims, ‘he wanted to be anything he wants when the mood takes him. What could be more adaptable than Lego pieces? Wake up in the morning and he’s a train set, Sunday lunch a touring car in the alps, Thursday morning in the recording studio a slightly horny Janet Jackson in a pirate wig. At last he felt at peace with himself, even when he was in cute little pieces’