Funnies

Upon reaching heaven Dracula asked God, "May I be reincarnated as a white angel with wings and still suck blood?"
God said, "Okay" and Poof! Dracula turned into a sanitary pad".

Poem written by WIFE and HUSBAND.

WIFE:

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.

I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.

Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

HUSBAND:

God saw me hungry, he created pizza.

He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.

He saw me in dark, he created light.

He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

Betrayed from behind......

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam."

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"

I have some interesting questions for QLers to answer. It's a long list so you can pick any of your favourite ones and answer them.

1. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?

2. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

3.Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

4. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

5. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

6. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

7.If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

8. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

A couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can
I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor
said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he
then charged them $32.00.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment,
have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just what exactly are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is married
and we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $60.00 and the Hilton charges $75.00. We do it here

A magazine recently ran a ‘Dilbert Quotes’ contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America:

‘As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.’ (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp in Redmond WA)

‘What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.’ (Lykes Lines Shipping)

‘E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.’ (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

it's a given that gnerally women are better drivers than men but there are some exceptions as you see in this very funny video. enjoy

http://www.youtube.c...

I received a PM (as usual offering a EXTRA INCOME opportunity.

I would have ignored it, but sending it TWICE within 30 minutes? That made me curious so I read the whole thing. Honestly, I FIND IT FUNNY....

I'm sure, this topic will ge deleted bcoz it's a PRIVATE MESSAGE posted as a topic. Yeah, I should have

1. Forwarded/reported this to the MODS...but hey, it is FUNNY AND DIFFERENT (for me, it is....can't say for the others)

2. Just blocked the sender...(did that!)

QL do attract all kinds of folks, that's a FACT....

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Subject: Do you like to cooperate with us in our program?
Date: Fri, 19/03/2010 - 11:35pm
Date: Fri, 19/03/2010 - 11:14pm

Hi ,