Funnies

Now all the QL members you guys are talking about all sorts of different topics why don't we review our ABC.

A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y and Z Now we have learned our ABC next time don't forget to be with me.

Sam Wan: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan.

Mr. Sori: Yes, you could speak to me.

Sam Wan: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Mr. Sori: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Sam Wan: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Mr. Sori: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Sam Wan: Well just tell my sister, Annie Wan, that our brother was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is going to the hospital.

Mr. Sori: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!!!

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A PJ to end your day...

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Two policemen are called to the scene of a crime in a convenience store. One asks the manager what happened.

He replies "There's a man over there covered in Corn Flakes and he's dead."

"That's odd," said the first policeman, "didn't we have one covered in Bran Flakes yesterday? And another covered in Wheata Flakes last week?"

"Your right" said the second policeman. "This must be the work of a Cereal killer."

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end of PJ

ha hahahahahaha...

Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a Deep coma.

After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, 'Ma'am, you had twins.... a boy and a girl.

New diet rules

1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda with candy, they cancel each other out.

3. When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount.

4. Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This includes any chocolate used for energy, Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten whole), and Haagen-Dazs ice cream.

5. Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they are a part of the entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel. This includes (but is not limited to) Milk Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears.

6. Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage causes calorie leakage.

People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH.
But there is a difference.

When you love the right one you are COMPLETE.
&
When you love the wrong one you are FINISHED!

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off.

This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.

OK, Football theme to go with the EPL fans ............

Non football (soccer) fans, ignore this post!!!:-)

Famous Kevin Keegan Quotes ............

In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg."

"You get bunches of players like you do bananas..though that is a bad comparison."

" Argentina won't be at Euro 2000 because they're from South America ."

"They're the second best team in the world and there's no higher praise than that."

"One of his strengths is not heading."

"He's using his strength. And that is his strength, his strength."

"My father was a miner and he worked down a mine."

" Hungary is very similar to Bulgaria . I know they're different countries..."

"England have the best fans in the world and Scotland 's fans are second to none."

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. Said he 'The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!'

The audience was in silence and shock.

The speaker added… 'And that woman was my mother!'

Laughter and applause…

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink.

He said loudly… 'The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!'

The wife went mad with shock and rage.

Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out '….and I can't remember who she was!'

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!

Two Teenage boys were picked up for doing drugs. When they went to court the judge said that he would like to give them a second chance if they could work in the community and convince young people not to do drugs they would avoid jail time.

The two boys went to the community and did their work and returned to court the following month. The judge asked the first boy how he did and he told the judge that he convinced 30 people not to do drugs.

The judge said, "That was great how did you do that?"

The Boy told him, "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd boy)